Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
