from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
