I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
