he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
