Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
