sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
