I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
