shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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