This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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