Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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