I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
