she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
