Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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