How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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