I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
