Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
