If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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