I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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