I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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