Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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