I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
