did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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