She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
