Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
