This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
