my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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