so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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