drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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