i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
