I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
