I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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