tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
