today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
