i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
