What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw a hot homeless man
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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