just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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