I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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