he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
