how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
