Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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