dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
