went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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