no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
