note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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