As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
