I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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