Will you blow on my dice?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Michael Bay diarrhea
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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