dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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