I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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