In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
