Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
